Tommy came back down all ready for work, a white shirt, black trousers, a vest, and his coat was over his arm.
I try to do all I can in life, while Im able to do it, he commented to Tasma as he approached the door. His parentsof which Tasma knew nothing abouthad both passed away. His father had died of cancer and his mother of a heart-attack during her sleep, both within the past few years. They had left him some money and he had used it for school, it was what theyd have wanted. And so in his own way, he had to become all he could for them and himself, and for some reason it seemed it was the right moment to let Tasma know, even though shed not know the whole of it.
Tasma smiled, and said, Yes, it shows. Privately in the back of her head she felt she needed to get started herself, but didnt take the remark as he was implying that.
Tommy hesitated before he grabbed the handle of the door, I know Tasma, you just arrived, no wisecrack meant.
Not ta ken as one said Tasma.
You see Tasma, were like each other a little, you grabbed the momentthe opportunity, and came here, and it was very brave of you. Tasma beamed on that remark.
Do you like the name I picked out for my double, I mean authors name?
Its fitting. She commented with a chuckle.
The conversation abruptly stopped, Tasma had no more to say, for the most part; and one must remember at this juncture of her life, she never did say much anyway, so it was a natural response for her. To Tommy, he kind of felt awkward, as if there was something left on the tablepossible unsaid, his ego most likely. Hence, he was high, and wanted, her opinion of him, to be feed some more. Tommy just stood there, as if frozen, like a frozen fish waiting to be unthawed; like a kid that doesnt want friends but people of his own mind, so they make themselves up figures in their brain. And here he stood, blank looking. Did she guess the course of his perturbation? Who could say? Nonetheless, she simply opened up his book, as if to continue to read it, as if unaffected with a flat affect for the moment, smiled at him then, it seemed to have the right effect for him, for he took off his unemotional, faade to his face, and put back on his cinematic charm with all its features.
In her own shy way, she was finding confidences that skeptically put her at ease; and for whatever reason: they both broke the repetitiveness of the dull and boring day. A sexual impulse was not present on both of their behalves, it demanded energies on both parties, and she was drained mentally, so not an iota appeared in her mines eye, or behavior, or his; likewise was his intrinsic view, warn unreceptively to the point of just moving in basic motions to get to the job.
13 The House
Tasma sat on the picnic table outside of the house, in the backyard, as Tommy went to work; the sun had come out with warm beams from its rays, was absorbing into the rich bony areas of her body. It felt good and fresh and youthful.
The house was huge, reminding her a little bit of Nathaniel Hawthorns story, The House of the Seven Gables, but this house had only five; a grayish-blue tone of paint covered its wooden seventy-year old structure, with trees in the front and backyards, and on the north side of the house, a nice picnic table rested in the green grass (the color of the table matched the house); hence, there she sat on the table, to placate the day.
Tasma still had her book in her hands, she had four hours invested into its reading thus far. She liked the characters, one was stubborn, probably like Tommy she thought, another was a sweetheart, and again like Tommy she concluded, his second part of his personality, if you could deduce a person having many sides. Hence, he had two sides of himself in the book she surmised, one playing off the other, how neat.
Jill, now saw Tasma in the backyard, and with a pleasant smile kind of floated back to her in a girlish, nonchalant prance like way, reminiscent of how they, they used to do so, so many years back, back when shed come and visit her in Minnesota in the summers during school break. Said Jill, Tasma looking up like a turtle coming up and out, out of its shell ready to listen (Jill thinking how cute, then starts to laugh): My dear cousin, how did you like Tommys books?
Just swell, they are real cool, I like the characters.
I wonder if Im one, said Jill, you are reading Bustling, are you not? with a high rustic boyish laugh.
Yes, replied Tasma.
Hes working on a poetic epic I see now, and it is a fantastic story of the dark side of life; it should prove to be interesting. Not quite his previous style, but possibly it could be in the future.
Then Tasma stood up and gave Jill a hug, saying, Im getting a little chilled, lets go on in the house if you dont mind. But she was still thinking of Tommy.< /p>
[Tasma thinking. It seems to me as I must have observed Tommys reaction to my reading his book, he was creatively satisfied, yet on the other hand, he is dogging it with his new book, as slow as molasses. He must be under pressure, maybe his publisher; after its done there will come relief. Once I got to Seattle that alone gave me relief. Dad once said, To really love, is to discriminate, and select nothing but what would be tolerable, that would be the best. I can tolerate Tommy. But it doesnt seem like Jill can. I think that is what dad meant: what can one tolerate [?
[Two weeks later. Tommy was finishing up a stanza and paragraph in his new book of which was short compared to his others books, writing it out in longhand, then hed go upstairs and takeout his portable typewriter and type it, check for typos and go over it again. When Tommy was working like this, in a bustle, hed climb the stairs in three, and the whole house could hear him, as a result, kno wing it was him. But as I was saying, he was writing it out in pen and ink. It was Sunday; Jill had come in the front door, Tommy sitting down in the living-room now on the couch, he had just come back down. Somehow he was making it a habit to leave the sofa chair for Tasma. Mr. Belmont used to use it, but now he was in his room a lot more, or at the bar, seldom in the downstairs living area.
How yah doing? Tommy looked up, he was writing, she could see that, her eyes protruding.
Oh, said Tommy settling.
Finish your doings and lets talk a bit, said Jill as she hesitated, then sat down by him as he tried to finish his middle stanza to a section of his epic poem and she commented impatiently, It was a crazy afternoon at the bar. Tasma just took off for her first interview, she stopped on by the bar to let me know.
(Tasma had stopped by the bar while Jill was working and had noticed most everyone of the patrons had glazed faces pitiful, made generaliza tions, with little white lies. The character of the people did not impress her, as she had thought to greet Jill and simply get out of the bar quickly.)
Said Tommy surprised, for he hadnt seen Tasma this morning, thinking she was in her room, Where can you find a job on Sunday? his eyebrows shifting upwards, pushing into his forehead.
Thats exactly what I said, until she said, it was at the Church, the Baptist one down [pause for thinking, oh somewhere, someplace, I cant put my finger on it, but I think over by the window shop.
Fen-turns, you mean?
Something like that.
Doing what?
Gosh, Im not sure, maybe bookkeeping, shes pretty good with figures I guess, used to be.
Kill two birds with one stone ha; go to church and seek a job, I kind of like that.
She can work at the bar, said Jill, as if to add: its good enough for both of us.
Yes, I suppose she could, he thought for a moment, wanting to finish his thoughts on the st anza, looked at Jill, what was it you wanted to talk about specifically?
Im not sure, Tasma I suppose. Im feeling a little resentment; I mean she needs to work.
Shell find a job, dont worry; and you know, she really thinks the world of you.
You think so?
Absolutely!
But I still feel the way I feel, but not as much now. I mean, I couldnt ask her to go, she did a brave thing leaving her house, but I know youre getting to like her. She looked at Tommy for confirmation.
No more than you, I mean, is that good or bad? Tommy smiled, and put down his pen on top of his paper, it was jealousy he was sensing.
Now how can you be jealous when you talk the way you do about Johnny in front of Tasma and me?
She hesitated a bit, I dont know, but I know I do, and Johnny will never be around anyhow. Hes just old dreams. The naming of Johnny did bring up a new face on Jill, so Tommy noticed.
Life has always been sweet for her, not hard I mean, and now she comes two-thousand miles and expects everyone to jump (Jill having alcohol on her breath, Tommy tries to sway away a bit from her).
Believe it or not Jill, I think she conquered a number of fears in the process and you were her most supporting inspiration. Without you shed have had to go back to Minnesota the same way she came, confused. Youve been very good for her. Then he tried to change the subject, I should rake the autumn leaves soon, I love the hundreds of colors, and the silent trees as they shed them.
Yaw, yaw, stop being poetic and listen: I like her, I mean, I think I love her, shes always been a light in kind of a vague way for me.
I suppose shes not sure what she can do for work, at eighteen, who knows, but the bar seems fit for a few weeks or months. She can take on some shifts we dont take, said Tommy.
[The Doctor I talked to Doctor Patricia Sewell, she asked how you were with your gout Tommy, and gave me my medica tion, the tranquilizers, I get too wound up sometimes, mood swings, I had to see her.
So she asked about me, haw?
Thats what I said; you got a crush on her or what, all you guys always get crushes on doctors I hear?
Now its Doctor Patricia, before it was Tasma, and youthat makes three girlfriends, haw? Dont girls get crushes on Counselors and Psychologists? I saw a movie where one did.
Im just kidding, I think, I should entertain my cousin for a spell I suppose, and the damn movie you say was a man falling in love with the female Psychologist, I was with you when you saw the movie; Gregory Peck I think. Tommy again was writing and Tasma was upstairs in her room. Why dont you go to a male doctor? asked Jill.
Because they assigned me to her, and I told you about how good of a doctor she was, and you asked for her, now we both have her.
Yes, I guess it was something like that.
Do you like her? asked Tommy.
Oh yes, matter of fact, if I was bisexual, Id like her more.
You mean like your parents? Jill just sat staring at Tommy, it was now getting into the danger area.
Was that meant to be a slam on them, an insult?
No, but I gather that is what it is all about in their little sanctuary upstairs, I mean, people going in and out all the time, strangers.
No, not quite strangers, they meet at the bar, and they get to know one another, and sometimes get a triangle going, you know. Anyhow, its none of our business, or yours thats for sure. Tommy took in a deep breath: it looked like he thought for a moment, then started writing again, thinking it wasnt worth it, and often when Jill got some drinks in her she was jealous.
I kind of thought that would come up sometime, sooner or later, said Jill disappointedly.
Yes, I suppose Tasma is too naive to know what is going on there: if even she has witnessed the parade of new faces going in and out of their bedroom.
I th ink you liked Mary at the hospital also, Ive seen her there today, shes Italian you know, and you like olive skin girls, like me.
Youre right on that, I do, or did like her once when I was in the hospital for a few weeks, before I knew you.
Youre too damn honest. She leaned over and kissed Tommy on the cheek, I missed you today. Tommy smiled knowing she wanted to make love. It was her cat approach, licking on the face, then to the buttons, and then to the bedroom, and then the zipper.
You always look her up and down when we go to the hospital together.
I think it is you, my dear that looks her up and down, I look at you that way. She hit Tommy tenderly on the shoulder. Maybe, she said in a cunning voice. I dont really think like that, I just wander off and kind of dream, or feel like that, if that makes for any logic in your college head?
No, makes no sense to me, but then that is me.
Well, Im glad you like girls, Tommy smiled, her fin ger going up and down his thigh as a cat with its paw ready to scratch out the eyes.
How was Johnny, asked Tommy.
Do you really want to know? Thought, Tommy: no man really does, but no man can stop thinking about it once its brought up, or somehow have it not integrated into ones life setting.
I suppose it bothers me a little that you opened up your legs to him.
And you, she added.
Lets leave it alone, its going too far. Sometimes I think Tasma can hear us talking.
So what, maybe it would be good for her too. Tommy didnt look at Jill on that remark just stared into a black TV.
Incidentally, she helped clean the house yesterday that was nice of her. I guess it will be ok for her to be here, shes becoming kind of my, something, I dont know what; lucky charm.
See Dennis' web site: http://dennissiluk.tripod.com
Author:: Dennis Siluk
Keywords:: Chapters
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