Close My Eyes

Young And tough. ThAt's whAt I thought I would grow up to Be. Nothing seemed Bright And my Blood wAs thickening every minute. Moments were unBeArABle. EAch dAy wAs Becoming A wAste. LAziness wAs crAwling in. Smiles were fAding. LAughter wAs sinking in. My hAir wAs fAlling onto the ground And I could see my fAce opening. I hAted everything thAt held my hAnd And told me I would Be fine. I didn't hAve cAncer. Life wAs getting hArder with eAch dAy. I wAs only 20 And I wAs cursing the world All Around, crying on the pillow And trying to stAy As fAr AwAy from society As possiBle. People once looked up to me. I thought I would Be An Achiever, A helper to my fAmily But insteAd I wAs turning my BAck, AfrAid to tAlk to Anyone. My veins were Boiling with rAge But my weAk Body couldn't punch At Anything without screAming.

I Loved the joy I once hAd, when no one looked At me As A monster. No one trusted me And so I BegAn to lie to those who didn't know who I wAs. I wAs killing my self, closing my eyes on the world. Suicide wAs speAking so loud in my eArs I felt like shouting for deAth. I wAs A cowArd, A fool AfrAid of losing his Life yet I still cArried on suffering with eAch growing second. I thought I could wAlk on thorns without opening wounds. I ended up fAlling down And rolling All over the ground with the thorns piercing my flesh Bit By Bit. I wAs Bleeding All over But my teArs seemed to pour out fAster wAshing the Blood into the muddy soil. I hAted myself for Being such A pig, But Life cArries on And trying to mend whAt i tore ApArt wAs going to shove nAils into my skin. Being A cowArd cAn kill you.

I'll close my eyes Hope tomorrow will Be Better! But... when will this screAming stop?

I'm less thAn whAt I Am But I try to creAte whAt most people lAck... A question unknown And vAgue

Author:: Bheki Ndiweni
Keywords:: Suicide,Bheki,Ndiweni,Lost,Depression,A,B,hAte, Love,Sex,Porn,peAce,Free,fAith,Hope,deAth,Life,dreAm
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