Tasma started writing another letter to Johnny, but didnt add her encounter with the Lady in Black as any additional experiences in her life, she was too embarrassed, too ashamed. Yet, it proved something, and she didnt need to seek out its judgment again, she liked boysperiod. On the other matter of the letter, she just put down how her job was and that her short storieswhich she hoped to publish someday, and poetrywhere coming along well, although they were all in a diary sort of, and not translated into short-story form, not yet anyhow; and biographical in nature. She did mention in passing her walk by the Space Needle in downtown Seattle, the very one that was built for the Worlds Fair [l962-63, just like the Eiffel Tower was built for the Worlds Fair in and around the mid l880s. She wrote about Tommy and his working on his forth book also, a poetic Epic she mentioned.
[Letter to Johnny from Tasma.: Tommy, he is sweat as candy and as handsome also, too bad he has Jill, and I like Jill. Jills a bit moody now and then and it seems to annoy Tommy. But she takes care of me so well, I love her dearly. She cant seem to get you off her mind ever since I mentioned your name to her. I do hope this does not have an effect on her relationship with Tommy. Tommy also writes under what they call a nom de plume, or false name. I like the secrecy of it, not sure if it is needed, but he thinks so; got to go. See you in the future; as always your friend, Tasma.
At times Tasma thought there was a sort of camaraderie within the household of the many who lived there, yet at closer view there was danger in such judgments, in the sense of unguarded views into reality, for they existed at close-knit, a mini secret society within what seemed to be the allegiances. That said, let me explain: the Belmonts had double lives, and possibly, maybe wanted to pull Tasma into their love triangle, it was future thoughts in the making, rash I agree but no t unparallel; Jills unspoken relationship with her parents were unknown for the most part, yet possibly she had been connected at one timeand her growing thoughts on Johnny, and diminishing thoughts on Tommy (and possibly some back-biting). Where Tasma fit in was yet to be defined.
If anything was for certain, it would probably be that Tasma was the only one that had ongoing friendships, platonic relationships within the camp of hungry wolf-like humans at this house. And now she was not so innocent herself, since she had met the Lady in Black, as her mind named her. Yet Tasma seemed to remain objective about it, whereas, it would had been easy for her to be angry or mad, or even scornful for her to displace anger on the elder lady for taking advantage of her; or producing homophonic-gestures. But she did none of those things. She moralized nothing, nor put it into a category of hormones acting wild, which at her age was just what it was; for she was a Christian, and this was what theyd called backsliding. She called it by its name, an unguarded moment of sin.
Mr. and Mrs. Belmont seemed neurotic by all means to Tasma, but again, she kept her distance from making judgments, it would not be conducive for her stay, nor her mind. If anything she remained grateful for the lodging. In many circumstances she remembered what her father had said once, What we hate we attach onto our character; as we do with love.
It was noticeable that Mrs. Belmont, seldom seen, but when seen shed make a few innuendoes toward Tasma, but Tasma was uncertain exactly what they were for, the full nature of them. And in some afternoons, Tommy could be caught reading copies of Mr. E. R. Burroghs: Jungle Tales of Tarzan, he liked them, it seemed to take him into a different world; they were not like his novels though, thought Tasma, this was evidently his escape; possibly it was for the naivet or simplicity factor of them, so she concluded.
17 Sunda ys
[Two weeks after finishing the letter. As usual, on Sundays, everyone but the elder Belmonts met at noon in the kitchen for a hearty lunch. Tasma always seemed to follow Jill like a little duck, as if she was the Master of Ceremonies, likely something she picked up at home, thought Jill, yet she did not stop Tasma from the growing routine, it was to her liking, especially on Sundays. Tommy was always there at the kitchen table before them peeling potatoes and thawing out some meat: today it was tenderized ground steak. Jill being a good cook prepared most everything while Tasma set the table and Tommy continued with the preparation of the vegetables.
Accordingly, they all sat down for the meal. During the meal as always they talked lightly on the weeks doings, what took place; again, Tasma did not bring out the Lady in Black (Leonora London), which really took place three weeks prior, but rather just about her correspondence to Johnny: about her work, and the Space Needle.
Tasma was now on her second cup of hot chocolate, while Tommy and Jill had coffee, she got thinking staring into her cup half full of chocolate: when Jill drank the night before (which was like most nights) the spirit in her seemed to cease its vitality in answering the eyes; that is to say, the mind shrewdly hadwith the heartdeadened everything in her, or maybe it was the lack of oxygen from her lungs, soso promisingly it was the lungs that ultimately had the control when a person was trying to recover, not giving the brain what it needed, it was a good discovery she thought. This forenoon she had those very same eyes: at length she thought about it until Tommy woke her up, Tasma! He said loud, Are you day dreaming again?
She jumped a bit, and smiled, Just thinking, her tone was flat.
Jill could be defined as a thin youth, or woman, judging on first impressions; that is to say, Jill understood men widely indeed (in comparison to Tasma), bu t not deeply (possibly like much of her other learning). Even now, sitting at the table, Tasma felt her femininity was felt more by Tommy than Jill produced for Tommy; Jill being more boyish than feminine at times; yes she had her moments, which seemed to be even more destructive: more on impulse than on realitys logical planning and thinking.
There was a knock at the doorJill jumped a little (nervy like); she rose up about an inch before she sat back downgetting her wits backas if they were lost for a momentthen the doorbell rang [!. This time Jill got up naturally to answer the door and so did Tommy likewise, Dyou mind, she said hazardable.
She started to move eagerly, too eagerly to the door, Tommy thought, and said, Ill get it.
No, thats all right, Ill get it! answered Jill a little more forceful.
Unaided, Tasma stood up and gathered the dishes together to wash, while Tommy took the tablecloth out the backdoor to shake it clean, a ting puzzled o n her abrupt behavior still.
Tasma now was looking out the window at Tommy, while Jill was answering the door, she got to thinking on some things her father said, one being: People were different long ago, hed tell her, not like we are today. She wasnt sure how he knew but it seemed reasonable to believe him, No, hed say, people didnt pretend like they do today, which was more on the order of a slap in the face (pretending that is), because it is telling the other person youre a fool. Or better yet: you can not trust me, but I want you to be fooled to do so. So people nowadays just say what they want to say, not what they mean. Had Tasma been born a boy, and she was now thinking of that, the Lady in Black, if she was a man, and they lived long ago, maybe 3000-years ago, maybe, just maybe no one had to hide or pretend what they were doing. She was thinking about her not being able to tell anyone about her experience with the Lady in Black, and how the Belmonts hid t heir behavior, and how Tommy went along with Jills behavior, and she really didnt care for him other than sex, or at least that was how she was perceiving it. She was no better she skillfully concluded. And in a way shed had liked to be closer to Tommy.
Johnny~! said Jill as she opened the door, it was really him, she jumped on him like he was a horse already saddled, and ready to mount, and started kissing him, as if she was taken over by some mysterious poweran emergency sexual reaction. As they completed their greetings, she grabbed out at him, taking hold of his forearms, pulling him in the house, and then shaking herself back together, walked with Johnny back into the kitchen to do introductions, although Tasma already knew Johnny quite well.
Tasma turned about, as she was washing dishes, and Tommy stood up, he had sat down at the table just a moment before. As he stood up to accept the introduction, he noticed his hand shake was firm, Johnny had big hands , strong compared to his, and his neck muscles protruded as if at one time he was a weight lifter, or boxer. He was all of six feet tall, about 180-pounds. He hugged Jill again to kind of show some kind of proper etiquette, and then to Tasma; he was delighted to see her, especially in such lively spirits, saying: This place has done you well, youre not the same little girl I knew back in Minnesota; you look so grown. Tasma blushed.
Ill take a beer, said Johnny as he sat down at the table as if he was an expectant guest. He looked at Tommy, then at Jill, Please! He said with a cough to clear his throat.
Yes, yes, please Tommy, turn about and get two beers, one for me and one for Johnny, oh, you too if you want one Tommy. Tommy did as he was told, with a diminishing look of gratitude on his face. Jill quickly sat down by Johnny, and Tasma just stood finishing the dishes, and Tommy sat at the end of the table kind of taking it all in.
What a surprise, said Tommy lucidly.
Surprised, said Johnny, I told Jill a month ago I was coming down, or is it up here [? She just looked blank.
As they all sat around the table in the kitchen, a conversation started, Tommy seemed to be left out, not purposely, but being the only one who didnt know Johnny, it was rude but not unexpected, and so Tommy took it, as less than an insult, just bad manners, which he was used to with Jill anyway, and he could see it would be no different with Johnny.
I remember that day Johnny said Jill (and evidently so did Tasma because she started laughing before Jill could finish her sentence) we went swimming and my top came off and all of a sudden up pops Johnnys head out of the water, you had swam thirty feet under water so as not to alert me of your whereabouts, it was at Lake Come, right Tasma (Jill looked at Tasma for confirmation, and she nodded her head yes), and my top was off and here comes the head of Johnny, and Johnny saw my breasts , bare-breasts, then I hid in the water and he found my top. I think Johnnys eyes were going to pop out of his head.
Humm! murmured Tommy; he was at the moment feeling as if he was invisible. Everyone went quite, the moment was not long enough to be called a pause: then Tommy smiled, but he wanted to take the clean tablecloth, rip it out from under their elbows and was hoping all the beer and cigarettes would fall all over them, if not whip it into their faces. But he smiled a long and arduous smile, looked at Johnny and Jill, feeling out of place a little, and out of sorts, as if the house was caving in.
Its just a simple story, it was most embarrassing at the time, and we were all kids Tommy, Tasma said with a soft smile. For some reason Tommy could accept it from her, but it was too annoying to listen to it from Jill. Johnny caught note of that with Tommy, kind of seeing more than an interest in Tasma, that is. In his mind he was still Tasmas protector sh ould she need him to be.
Sure, I understand, commented Tommy, Sorry if I sounded bothered, Im full of food and tired I suppose. I should go to sleep or for a walk. Johnny was not one to show humility, and kind of looked in the air towards the ceiling and played dumb.
Yes, commented Johnny, We had some good times in Minnesota. And talking about being tired, I traveled close to two-thousand miles, man I am tired, and thirsty, how about another beer there Tommy. Tommy smiled, leaned back to the refrigerator, and pulled out another beer and handed it to Johnny.
My 1957- Ford blew a piston in Montana, had to roll down a hill to Miles City and there I lost my billfold, had $240-bucks in it. I was at the Greyhound bus depot and I had to leave my car parked on the street. Anyhow a stranger picked it upa woman stranger that is, and gave it back to me. I should have given her a five-spot, but I didnt, figure Id need it here. So here I am, no car, $220-bucks, spen t twenty on eating; his hazel eyes looking at each and everyone sitting at the table and Tasma leaning against the sink, looking at them as if sizing them up.
Johnny could talk, thought Tasma, and he was a player, a drinker, and could be a trouble maker. He was also a fighter and charmer, but he never tried to charm me, Tasma told her inner-self, which was good, she liked him as a friend, brother, or half brother, no more than that.
Said Jill, after a calm seemed to settle over the group, Johnny will be staying with us a while, I should have mentioned it, but I invited him down to stay in a letter I had sent him. He can stay in the spare room; the one Tommy stays in now and then. She wasnt asking, rather telling the group.
18 Johnnys Job
During the following weeks, Johnny acquired a job at a window factory, and shortly afterwards, started giving Jill $15-dollars a week for rent, of which she gave to her parents; if anything he was not afraid of work or spending money on pleasure, he treated himself quite well, or better puthe pampered himself, as Tommy seemed to not do; both polar opposites.
One afternoon on Sunday, Tommy asked Tasma: What does this guy, Johnny want?
Johnnys kind of a drifter at heart I suppose, an adventurous person, or would like to be, a bully he can be also, careless likewise; hes been in trouble ever since hes been nine years old. I doubt he knows what he wants, he is just here to be here, because its a place to go, to be at, an adventure if you will, for him, no more, no less; in a like manner, hes a little reckless, guarded I suppose but he means well; you have to remember hes not educated like you, nor does he think so far ahead as you, hes more on the line of the Neanderthal: the caveman type; kind of hidden and suffocating in this advancing world.
It was all said with empathy, she seemed to be able to apply it without effort through Tommy for Johnny; and Tommy seemed to accept it: the logic and the emotional part, that is; Tasma had a good way of caretaking, which was a natural woman quality Tommy thought, yet she had somehow perfected it to a nurturing mode, thus, stepping into anothers shoes without walking for them, as it eased his mind.
19 Body of Voices
Tasma smiled dubiously as the house filled up with bodies and voices, contrary to her household she was brought up in, which was quiet for the most part, and no one was really invited into her home for more than a short period of time, other than family. The three summers Jill came over, one time she was with her parents and they stayed a month, the other two times was just Jill alone, and she stayed around two months. Other than that, no one was really invited into her home, or allowed to stay overnight. It was seldom she brought a guest over to the house; once she did, a girlfriend, and her mother asked her what her name was, where she lived, and why was she over here w ith her daughter in the first place, which was simply, to play, and hopefully stay overnight. She played that one time and never came back, and was not allowed to stay overnight. So this was all new for her. And it seemed Mr. and Mrs. Belmont welcomed Johnny just as well as she did Tasma, with a hesitant eye, and indifferent spirit, but it all added up to nothing; they just went about their way after they goggling. At the bar they were different though. Not so much when Tasma was there, but more when she wasnt, yet, Tommy would inform her of their behavior. And sometimes when she got there early for work, and came out of the back dressing room, shed witness them chumming up to others, buying drinks, talking about wanting something for something; exchanging partners she gathered. Young or old, it didnt seem to matter to them, sometimes money was exchanged.
There was a second time when one night Jill had come home from work, a bit tipsy, again, and told Tasma, My pa rents are bisexual, although it was obvious to everyone, she knew something was odd or different. Yet on the other hand, she had to ask Tommy later on, exactly what bisexual, fully meant.
Said Tommy, later on that night, It means a person can enjoy both sexes: male and female, although they could have a preference for one over the other.
Are you bisexual? asked Tasma.
No, no, oh no, I, I like girls. She smiled when she heard that. But it was as if Jill was reinforcing the fact her parents were not responsible for their behavior should they approach her, so fair warning.
See Dennis' web site: http://dennissiluk.tripod.com
Author:: Dennis Siluk
Keywords:: Chapters
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